Me too!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
