My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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