Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
