u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
