where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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