Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
