actually, I'm a sock model
smell my finger.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
