he was CRYING into my vagina
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
