i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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