I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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