Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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