he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
