Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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