I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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