Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
