he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
