ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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