Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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