Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
