Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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