If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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