did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
