I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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