I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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