it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
