If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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