I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
