So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
