How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
