i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
