I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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