I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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