There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
