You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
