Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
