Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
