So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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