I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
