i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
