I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
