he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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