dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
