So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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