Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
