Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
