i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
