She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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