I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
