sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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