I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
