i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
