when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
