So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
