All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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