How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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