yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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