If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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