The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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