There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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