we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I need a beard to bite.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You ate ashes out of my bong
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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