The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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