I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
