Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
