Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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