All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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