I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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