Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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