Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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