hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I AM VODKA MAN
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
