you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
